So, remember CK, my central Kenya beau? Yes. He worked for a reputable PR firm in the capital when we first met. CK was tall and dark with a barely noticeable kitambi, and the weirdest set of nails my eyes have ever stumbled on.

But he was a hot okuyu. We met through mutual friends who thought that I needed to meet new people, especially those with ‘potential,’ whatever that means.

So, we exchanged Twitter handles like normal people do. Because, who even exchanges numbers in this era of DMs and ‘I like his tweets?’

We DM’ed back and forth for a while. He was a gentleman. CK invited me to his home one fine Friday. From town we headed to Lower Kabete, meaning we crossed the border separating Nairobi from Kiambu County.

At least he had a television set. I was so nervous that first night, that the meat I cooked for dinner was still raw by the time it got to the table. But the son of Mumbai ate it without a single complaint. Awuoro.

I knew he was the one. I, on the other hand, pretence is not my portion, so I refused to eat the undercooked almost raw meat, that that daughter of Kisumo dala (under)cooked.

The weekend was amazing, until Monday when I was going back to the bundus.

Something happened and for the life of me I can’t remember what it was so we sat at different seats in the jav aka matatu aka a mat. Before he alighted I just shouted “Na usisahau kunitumia pesa ya P2 wewe CK.” He couldn’t mutter anything to that because we had some sweet unprotected lungula and there is nothing worse than trying a scorned woman.

After that incident, we went our separate ways with my Mr Right, only for the universe to connive and brings our paths to cross again sometime later. My CK now worked at a telecommunications company as a manager. Money was not a problem. Wuod Karabuon got himself a Mercedes Benz S-Class, because Need for Speed yawa….pesa otas!

The second time we met he was the ultimate gentleman. I was always picked from the bundus. Dropped for classes. We’d go on dates and life was pure bliss. I even had my own closet space - ultimate power play. But alas….!

One day, I am in class just minding my own educational business, secure in my relationship and sh*t, when my phone starts ringing off the hook. Of course, I don’t think much of it. Later I return the calls and everyone is shocked I am still alive!

I didn’t understand what was going on until I met my bestie. Bless her soul. She had to break the news that my CK had posted on Facebook “Rest in peace my love” but I, his love, was very much alive. WTH!

He barred my calls and on further inquiries I discovered that, for more than a year, I was a side chick to a man with a whole fiancée! The same man who had taken me to meet his family members and his friends apparently had someone else serious in his life this whole time.

I was hurt beyond repair, to use the most user-friendly description for what I felt. But what was I to do? I took it in stride and pretended that my Nyar Luo pride was not the least bit scratched. But deep inside…!

A year passed after the “Rest in peace my love” incident and CK was still on mute and MIA modes. Then, suddenly, he busted back into my life like he never left, with the all so famous line. “I miss you and my family misses you more. My mum has been asking about you…” and all that sleek nonsense.


Same same lines we had heard before. CK is one man who could give Future a run for his fat dollar in spewing gobbledygook.

It made me feel amazing but I was not letting my ancestors down on that particular encounter. His pride did not let him pursue me too much at that point but ladies and gentlemen… his brave ass came back!

When he returned years later, CK would become my first encounter with entitlement, almost sexual assaults and plain disrespect in a relationship. Bloody fool!

But our little tales love sequence so we continue with the stories until we get to him again. After the CK drama one-year stint, I started my mini stints in the hopes of finding my one and only, even if by accident.

That is when I met my Otoyo. Tall dark and well-built Luo man who plays basketball. From Otoyo I learnt that mama’s boys are too much work as adorable as they are.

But for now, tafakari ya CK for a while, I shall beat you the mbaka of Otoyo next week….OTOYO!